When There's Nothing Else to Do... Pray and Write

So it's about 4:00 p.m. on a Tuesday, and I have been pretty productive so far today.  I am substituting this week for a English night class, so I went ahead and planned my lesson for tonight.  I also got my wedding "registry" ready; since I can't bring stuff from the U.S., Luis and I took pictures of things that we will need here.  I uploaded those and put the prices and details.  Right now, I don't have anything I need to do. I can't go anywhere because I am by myself in the house, and I have to wait for Patzy to get back.  Luis is on his way back from a job interview in Managua, so he's not here to to entertain me.  I don't have anything to do, but I have too much on my mind to not do anything.  That's why I decided to write, and as I write, I will pray.

The past few weeks has been, for lack of a better word, different.  I haven't had much to do during the week since Tamara and her family aren't here.  Luis and I have spent most of the time together, which has been nice.  On the weekends, I have been pretty busy teaching English on Saturdays and going to El Paraiso for church on Sundays.

Luis, my friend Adriana, and I have been going out early on Sundays to visit some of the members before church service.  I feel like it has helped some, and we had more show up this past Sunday.  It's been difficult, though, because we have been told and seen that some people show up just because they expect something in return.  I guess we all are that way with, God, aren't we?  We only call on Him when we need Him or want something.  I shouldn't expect a new church family to be much different.  It's so hard to lead the service and build an atmosphere of worship when it feels like most are bored to death.  I know a lot of it is based on the heart of the worshippers, because true worshippers worship God in their heart in Spirit and in Truth.  God is Spirit and He is Truth so only He can change their hearts.  Oh, Lord, change my heart to worship you more; pour out your Spirit on your people in El Paraiso and draw them closer to you.

I have been trying to analyze and refocus on my purpose being here in Nicaragua.  I feel like right now God has been really trying to mold and shape me.  He's been teaching me to have faith and to be content in every situation.  It's been a hard lesson. I have had a few family crises over the past couple of weeks that I have had to give over to the Lord because my family is in the US and I am here, not able to help.  I love my family so much, and I have to trust that God loves them more. 

My health hasn't been the best.  Everything started with a bad case of acne which pointed to ovaries on my cysts.  Thankfully, after treatment, most of the cysts in my ovaries have gone away.  However, I have had some pain in my side for the past few weeks, and I found out yesterday that a cyst I had that was the size of a pingpong ball in October is now the size of an orange.  My gynecologist says it needs to be surgically removed. Now, I am trying to decide if I am going to have to surgery here in Nicaragua or at home.  It's cheaper here, but my family wants me to be at home.  Either way, I personally can't pay for the surgery, and I am feeling guilt about my family having to pay.  Oh, Lord, please provide for us.  You can heal and work miracles.

I'm having to give my and Luis's future over to the Lord as well.  Luis is having trouble finding a job in Nicaragua.  Imagine finding a job in the US but 3 times worse... theren't aren't any job in Leon except ones that pay under $200 a month. Those jobs are hard labor jobs, where people are way overworked and underpayed.  Besides Luis wouldn't get hired because he is overqualified for any of those jobs.  I know God has a plan for him; we just don't know what it is yet.

I keep feeling like maybe Luis and I are just supposed to start our own business or organization.  I keep having several ideas run through my mind: a bilingual preschool, a language school, a cafe, a foreign exchange program.  Those are just the gists of my ideas.  Luis and I dream of having our own business, but we are clueless of what to do and where to even start.  God, please give us a vision and direction.

Amist everything I must give thanks.  I know my problems aren't that big, and they are a grain of sand to God.  I am thankful that God loves me and takes care of my problems.  I am thankful that they are part of God's plan for teaching me and preparing me for the future.  I am thankful that I cannot only minister to Nicaraguans but somewhat share in their sufferings. I am thankful that I am still well-fed and provided for.  I am thankful that even if I had nothing here on earth, He has prepared for me a place with everything that I could ever imagine.  I am thankful that in Christ and his divine power I have everything that I need for life and godliness (1 Peter 1:3).  I am thankful that Christ loved me and gave himself for me.  I am thankful that He has given me a second chance of life and has saved me from death not based on anything that I have done but based on His saving grace.  I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning and that He is faithful (Lamentations 3:23).  I am thankful that nothing can separate me from His love (Romans 8:38-39).  I am thankful that He has shown me love through my family and my friends.  I am thankful that He has provided me the man of my dreams and has allowed me to be a part of bringing Luis closer to Him.  I am thankful that I have a lot to look forward to in getting married and my life with Luis.

I could go on... but I won't.  The point is that I have more to be thankful for than to complain about, so I should be happy.  I will choose to rejoice in the Lord regardless of any situation.  Lord, may you be glorified. "God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life."- Psalm 51:10 The Message.